She writes oh so beautifully and somehow finds exactly the right words for the way I am feeling. I hope you enjoy this passage as much as I did.
May 25, 2010
Sometimes the feeling consumes my whole being.
Gratitude. head to toe.
Last night as Everly slept in the other room and Brent dozed on the couch around me, I sat on the floor of our new home and listened.
All of the lights were off except the birdcage stuffed with white Christmas lights that mama wired up over our dining room table.You could hear the faintest bit of traffic zipping by on the other side of the giant magnolia trees that insulate our house. Far away, someone slammed a car door. The dogs slept at Brent’s feet.
It felt like the entire world was still and I was there, with my knees bent to the side, lying on the rug and staring up at the ceiling when the feeling hit me.
I am so grateful for all of this.
I have asked God more times than I can ever count why he chose to give me this life. I certainly am not worthy. Not in the least. This family. These friends. The opportunities. My beautiful husband, and that precious, precious baby girl.
Nothing I have ever done warrants the gifts that have been bestowed upon me.
In all the writing I’ve done in my life, I’ve wished a hundred times that there was a word deeper than Love. and lately I find myself wishing over and over for a word greater than thankfulness.
My life is not glamorous. I will never be the most beautiful, the most creative, the wealthiest. I am as imperfect as they come. but somehow, despite my flaws, this little life of mine is heavy with Grace.
and I find myself on so many occasions, lying on the floor (or in the car or in bed or any number of other places) with my head spinning - wondering just how I’ll ever be worthy of so much.
Thank you for this life.
M
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