Help Wanted

I only have 1 child, and I don’t work, and to top it off Papadada is one of those rare hubbies to be super hands-on in all things child-rearing and chores. But sometimes, just for the heck of it,  I can’t help but day-dream about having a Personal Assistant, like all those celebs who pay their minions to hold their iphones and go shopping with them at Kitson, that cool-ass shop in Hollywood that you always see on the E! Channel...

Help Wanted

PA Job in the South of France (that’ll draw the suckers in)

Must be able to name all characters and sing most songs from the tv program ‘In the Night Garden’ and dance exactly like Iggle Piggle.

Some experience with balancing an 11kg weight on hip, filling an inflatable pool with one hand and applying sunscreen with the other.

Previous work in catering a plus. Must know how to handle large quantities of mayonnaise for mayo-loving husband.

Cannot have fear of mashed banana or all-round, extreme stickiness.

Must be laundry-competent, in particular with obscene amounts of smelly male sports clothes and towels, towels, towels....and more towels.

No need to apply if you own white clothes and don’t like your hair pulled.

All jokes aside though, wouldn’t it just be tha bomb if there was someone to vacuum and mop twice a day, hose down the high chair (notice the use of the word ‘hose’ as opposed to ‘wipe’), cook dinner every night, clean the bathrooms weekly, do the groceries, and do 3 loads of laundry a day (wash, dry and fold - instead of the current situation where most of our clothing makes its home in the dryer for waaaaay too long. My sock told me the other day that he and the others were a few hours away from hanging up a Home Sweet Home sign on the dryer door. Fail.). 


Don’t get me wrong, all of these things do get done. Eventually. But since sporting my mama-cape, my standards have dropped considerably and I’m not as organised and thorough as I once was. Granted, I used to be a little too anal  OCD with all things cleaning. So it might not be a bad thing. Silver lining anyone?


Ooh nearly forgot. For the love of Kim Kardashian, will someone please come to my house and change our bed sheets?!?!? It’s starting to look like a CSI chalk-outline-crime-scene thingy on our sheets...except it ain’t blood and guts, it’s just grime and dirt. 


Someone sic the lazy brigade on my ass, PLEASE!