Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Job well done

You know that feeling when there’s a job that needs doing, yet you can’t quite bring yourself to do it?

I am procrastination royalty when it comes to niggling little chores that really don’t hold any value, but you know deep down in your clogged face pores that you should just get them done. Not big ticket tasks like cooking, vacuuming or laundry (although.....) but more along the lines of:

☁ Filing that rogue health insurance letter from back in February
☁ Removing the big-ass wad of lint/fluff/dark blue shiz that fills up the clothes dryer filter
☁ Picking out that piece of frozen rotting lettuce that is stuck, barnacle-style to the fridge vegie drawer
☁ Organising the plastic container cupboard in the kitchen so it no longer looks like a Tuppaware sales lady threw up in there (‘cause Tuppaware sales people always vomit mis-matched lids and receptacles....duh)

(☁ = dark, looming, ever-present cloud in my domestic day)

So the task that’s been eating away at me for the past 2...ahem...12 weeks?

Wiping down the kitchen cupboard doors.

Seriously, who gives a crap, right? But readers, these cupboard doors have a serious attitude problem. They’ve been mocking me, taunting me for what seems like an eternity. Bitchy little droplets of water, vindictive spots of detergent residue, spiteful handprints of varying sizes, all staring me down like Clint Eastwood and John Wayne in an old western flick (cue the ooy-ay-ooy-ay-oo of the ocarina + rattle-snake sound effect + tumbleweeds...I’m a master of visualisation, no?)

Today, I did it. I finally did it. And really, I think I should consult with a therapist, ‘cause I even did the chore in a way that kind of, sort of made me think I wasn’t doing it. Whuhh? A bit like when you tell a kid that you’re not going to rip the bandaid off then point to a random birdy in the window and then YANK it off before they even realise it’s happening. Yes. Over here...sicko with the cupboard cleaning reverse psychology diversion tactics...

So, one minute Sticky Baby and I are sitting on the pantry floor eating sultanas, and the next minute, while whistling a tune to distract myself (could I get any weirder?), I have a bottle of white vinegar in one hand, a sponge in the other, going hell for leather on the cupboard doors. SHAZAM! And she’s cleaning! A bit of elbow grease, a few sultanas tossed in Sticky Baby’s direction, and KAPOW! Kitchen cupboards are immaculate!

It all happened so fast, I could hardly believe that after weeks of wincing each time I noticed those smudged doors, it was really, truly over. And breathe.....

I just love tricking myself into doing stuff.

Next on the agenda? Purchase straight jacket on Ebay...

(Papadada if you’re reading this, I know this post may suggest that I’ve lost my marbles. Dont’ be alarmed. It’s just the white vinegar fumes...I think. And besides, I know how much you like salt and vinegar flavoured chips, so I’m using it as my new summer scent. You likey?)


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