Tick Tock

Dear 5:56am,

I don’t quite know how to say this without being rude...but you’re a horrible, mangy BITCH and I despise you truly, madly, deeply.

Your stupid three digits taunt me each morning, mocking my limp and tired body, my foggy mind, my swollen eyes, pointing out the fact that any second now, Sticky Baby will bellow to start his day.

Your kind and beautiful sister, 7am, was a good friend of mine. She made our days begin in the most seamless of ways. The three of us were well rested, with smiles on our faces, ready to take on the day ahead. Sadly, 7am disappeared from my life two months ago. And now you’re here. And Sticky Baby awakes as grumpy as Heidi and Spencer from The Hills are crazy. And that’s saying a lot.

I’m here to tell you that you suck the big one. And also that Papadada and I are doing everything in our power to banish you kick your sorry ass out of our lives for good. We will do whatever it takes to lure back your sensible, appropriate, much-adored sibling, 7am.

5:56am, you better watch your back, you sicko. I’m gonna take you down to China Town. Consider your days in this household numbered.

Sincerely The bags under my eyes and I hate your guts,

Mama L