Wednesday, April 6, 2011

How to eat jelly beans according to Sticky Baby

Step 1: Act like you have a splinter in your right foot.

Step 2: Scream bloody murder, forcing your mother to run to the pharmacy like a deranged banshee on amphetamines, to buy tweezers, Betadine and.....Jelly beans (cha-ching! that's what I'm talkin' about. I've got the old girl hook, line and sinker!)

Step 3: Get both parents to check, re-check, and triple check allegedly affected foot.

Step 4: Continue to scream bloody murder until your mother pulls out the jelly bean bribes from her purse. (come to papa!) 

Step 5: Sit on the kitchen sink, shirtless, for added dramatic effect.

Step 6: Put 3 jelly beans in your mouth at once.

Step 7: Suck the sugary, coloured goodness off each bean. Excessive drool is a bonus. Again, for effect.

Step 8: Spit out the faded beans in your mother's hand. They're no good to you now. You're all about the food colouring and it's nutritional qualities.

Step 9: Make your mother take a photograph of the sticky, colourless jelly beans littering her paw, as she shakes her head in disbelief....

Step 10:  Jump off the kitchen sink, land on both feet, and run like an agile lemur around the backyard 3 times. Just to rub it in. Splinter? What splinter?



Sister F said...

I nearly peed myself reading this of your best lol xxx

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